Emails from the Awesome

Counterpoint to our previous post, this gem arrived recently from one of our end users.
---

I am unsure if this response is automated or not, either way I am going to leave you with a slew of compliments and varying levels of awesome sentences.

Let me begin by saying that this company is the shit (metaphorically speaking of course). If I ever decide to have offspring of my own I am going to name him after your company. I say this because I want him to be as professional and as efficient as you all are. I say I will have a boy because I hate women and they steal all your money (much like my tweaker neighbor).

Next compliment; Pat, your response was both timely and to the point. You deserve a raise. I am not talking about those bullshit 50 cent an hour raises, I am talking about a $30,000 raise. Talk to your boss about this in your review (which will be next week, as I have contacted them for you). 30K may seem a bit extreme but you are the best at your job and you DESERVE THIS RAISE. You could be the king of Amurica' one day. I'd vote for you if I could read.

Next Compliment; You guys are like 7/11, you aren't always doing business but you're always open. If you can tell me where that quote is from I will buy you a pound of coffee and deliver it to your skyscraper headquarters up at the international space station. Sorry, I got off track. Your compliment is as follows: Your facial hair is awesome. If you are a chick named Pat than your facial hair is probably still better than mine. Hats off to you.

---
The customer service rep was not afraid to send this follow up.
---

I want to thank you for taking the time to send the slew of compliments and awesome sentences (I felt they were consistently awesome). We agree that Pat (female, no facial hair) is fantastic. Your kind words have been forwarded to her and I’m sure she will appreciate your email. I do have to disagree slightly with the quote from “The Boondock Saints,” in that we are always open and always doing business. No need to waste your postage money on a package to any skyscraper at the international space station, we are located here in (town). Coffee can be delivered to either location:

(Headquarters location)
(Satellite Office location)

Thank you again for your feedback and best of luck with our future namesake.

---
That was fun.