Bloomberg: Sacrilegious Mutt or Sacrificial Lamb?

Reference article:

First responders decry exclusion from 9/11 ceremony.

I suspect I might lose some readers over this, but hear me out.

It's just a theory.

First, some back story.

After September 11, 2001, I am reasonably sure I was not the only one who noticed being treated differently by security personnel, particularly at airports. In 2001, I was working at a software company dealing with electric utility companies, and traveled all over the U.S. frequently.

Post 9/11 I noticed that it seemed like I was getting pulled out of the security line, or the line to board the plane, for a comprehensive search pretty much constantly. My name is old-country British in origin, and my ethnicity is similar to Wonder Bread, so I was being profile-captured by something else.

On one trip, I arrived early as usual, anticipating the usual extra-check delay, but did not get yanked. When I got to the hotel to retire for the night, I figured it out. You see, ever since September 11, I always wore an FD uniform T-shirt when traveling. But on this day, for whatever reason, I did not.

Was it the shirts that were attracting scrutiny? I tested the theory by not wearing an FD shirt for the next few flights. Smooth sailing. Tried it out again, and got yanked. Bingo.

Now, this post is not about the merits of the security analysis that terrorists could try to stage an attack disguised as emergency workers, although I have experienced several events that have made it clear that this would be an effective avenue to get past trusting or complacent security people (unless you're dealing with the TSA, of course).

So, the theory.

It is no secret that Al Qaeda would like to stage a 10th anniversary attack, they've said as much themselves. So suppose CIA/DHS/NYPD, whoever, gets a serious credible lead that the bad guys are seriously considering using this kind of attack? Let's be real, it would not be functionally difficult to bring an old Seagrave into New York City and stuff it in some windowless warehouse. You can buy old rigs on eBay for a few grand as it is, imagine what you could do with a big budget?

So, you end up with an engine or ladder truck externally a perfect replica of an FDNY rig, but packed with explosives. Even if you get caught on the perimeter of the ceremony and have to trigger early, a big boom like that would be devastating. Not just in loss of property and life. The psychological and emotional impact would be incalculable. Suddenly, the citizens of New York experience PTSD fear of every FDNY rig. The association with the 10th anniversary attack would be tied to fire apparatus nationwide. The safest refuge a shaken nation has, trust of the heroes in the Big Red Trucks, is obliterated.

No way can this be allowed to happen.

So what do you do? You have the intel, and less than a month to plan.

Plan 1: Reveal the intel to the public. The bad guys know they've been ratted out, quickly dispose of the bomb rig(s), and skip town.

Plan 2: Say nothing. Try to catch the bad guys by trying to weed out the bomb rig(s) as people converge on the ceremony, including a LOT of emergency services people. Risk a periphery detonation and all its consequences, but hope for a psychological victory if they nab the bad guys.

Plan 3: Announce that emergency services people are not invited. The bad guys probably read between the lines and leave, but if they choose to try the attack anyway, there will be far less people and apparatus to sort through. So you have either an automatic Plan 1 win, or hugely improved chances of a Plan 2 win. Tactically, this is far better than trying to run either Plan 1 or Plan 2 alone.

I think Plan 3, as unpalatable as it is, would be the best choice under the circumstances. I hate it and am offended at the concept that firefighters are not invited, but is this a decision for the greater good. Bloomberg is not an idiot. True idiots don't get that far, and he's the Mayor of NYC. I bet when this decision crossed his desk he knew the reaction that would come. But for the greater good, what choice would he have? Haven't you ever taken heat for an unpopular decision that you couldn't explain, but knew it served a greater purpose for the people who were angry about it? Yeah, you've taken one for the team before, it isn't all that uncommon.

So, watch for snipers on rooftops all around Manhattan and elsewhere, analyzing every fire truck, and preparing to take out everyone on the rig simultaneously. And maybe even watch for word to be passed to the FDNY line troops the morning of, so they know to put a predetermined and very subtle "invasion stripe" of some innocuous variety on each piece to ward off the snipers.

That's my theory. It is the only plausible and understandable reason for the decision that I can think of, and until I learn more I am sticking to it.

Two-Hatting

Originally posted 7/28/2009, removed during a spate of paranoid content cleanup 5/26/2010, and now re-posted after some review and editing.

Got home from the night shift at the power company at about 0620. Wasn't asleep long when the call came in. Unknown injury accident, vehicle on fire.

It is in 51's first-due, which means me. Meh. I like sleep, and could really use it right now.

As a general rule, due to my location and lack of members nearby, I usually roll alone. Help is coming, though, from the next station over which is staffed full time.

Oops.... forgot, the engine was out for maintenance and no reserve in its place. All I've got is the brush/EMS squad. So be it.

Brush51 has arrived and is Command. One car upside down off the road, fire coming from the engine compartment, There is a damaged pole with wires down on the road. Unknown patient status, investigating. Need the power company, and law enforcement for traffic.

I hate running alone sometimes. There is just too much crap to do by yourself.

I was able to quickly determine that the car was empty, and was told that the driver had walked away somewhere, telling bystanders she was 'fine'. With no one trapped and no exposures to speak of, I was not nearly as concerned about the fire as I was about the lines and adjacent poles holding the weight up. But, the sheared-off pole ended up being a guy wire support pole, the draped wires are just the three guy wires attached to it. None of the 3-phase primary on the other side of the road is damaged, and the fallen guy wires are nowhere near the primary or neutral, so there is no immediate danger from them.

I was two-hatting... power company guy in turnouts, studying the poles and wires while the car burned merrily away.... the fire at that point was of no serious consequence to me beyond keeping people away from it.

I assigned the first-due engine to deal with the fire while I finished surveying the scene and looked for the driver. They arrived a minute or so later and took care of that business. I tracked down the driver, a pleasant young lady who claimed falling asleep at the wheel, refusing treatment.

I returned most of the troops, transforming the scene mostly into a law enforcement event. Besides, I was more than happy to turn control over to them. Without an ongoing fire or a patient, there wasn't much reason for us to be around, but we were happy to provide big BRTs to block traffic.

The young lady presented to all of us (brothers in blue included) as coherent and lucid, not to mention lucky. Then, one of the officers on scene, in spite of the early morning hour, picked up something on his cop spidey sense, and decided maybe a FST was in order.

She failed. Apparently from the residuals of beverages consumed the night prior. At the BAC level she blew, most of us would show the effects. This young lady was not of legal age, either. Practice a lot? And seriously... it's 0730. What was that BAC at the end of the party?

But wait, that's not all. Young lady then admitted that this is the second time she has walked away from a totaled vehicle.

Young lady, you are out of chances. If you want to get dead, please do so in a manner that does not put the rest of us at risk. And preferably in a manner that does not require me to wake up when I am trying to sleep between power company night shifts. A little courtesy, please!

Anyway, two-hatting worked out OK this time, but generally is to be avoided. I know better.

Your Agency's Disaster Family Care SOP

My agency's what?

You read it right.

Disaster Family Care Standard Operating Procedure.

It was a chore for many of us to get our agencies to admit that we needed to develop the SOP for LODDs. But when they happen is for sure not the time to try to write them up.

Likewise for taking care of family in event of a major disaster.

Figure what happened in Japan happens in your area. Hundreds of thousands need help, right now. And where is your family? Are they OK? Do they need you, too? Right in the belly of the beast of a MAJOR catastrophe is when rescuers are needed more than ever, and when many of us are simultaneously more likely than ever to abandon our posts because our spouses, children and other loved ones are non-negotiable personal number one priorities. (Speaking for myself, I'll get the double-whammy.... both the FD and power company will be expecting me to show up.)

Would you feel better if you knew that someone was watching out for them and taking care of business while you are working to save the world with your brothers and sisters? Someone you can really trust?

Enter the Disaster Family Care SOP.

This can take a wide range of approaches, but what it boils down to is that your agency will have one or more assigned personnel, as many as it takes depending on the size of your agency, whose only responsibility in time of major catastrophe is locating and accounting for designated family members, and ensuring that they are protected, sheltered, fed and clothed.

How you develop this policy will vary widely depending on the size and scope of your agency, where you live, and what hazards are possible or plausible.

The policy will require that each member at least annually verify or update the persons who will be searched out and accounted for, and protected in event of disaster. This list will need to include names, phone numbers, schools, places of work, and cars driven, etc. Obviously, for privacy concerns, this information will also need to be carefully guarded internally.

It will require that family members know how to reach the person(s) in your agency who will take care of them. Phone numbers if they work, meeting places if they don't. For outlying areas, there might be neighborhood-based or even per-family-based meeting places. You figure out what it will take and what can be reasonably managed, and make it happen.

Your agency's family protection personnel will need to have transportation assets that will be available to them in this time of need that are capable of getting in and around rough terrain, and of moving multiple family members at a time.

Your policy will need to identify one or more designated places of shelter for families of emergency personnel, and have access to resources to care for their needs for at least 72 hours, but longer wouldn't hurt.

As heartless as it sounds to outsiders, the families of rescue personnel do require priority attention. We saw that when families were given first priority after rescuers themselves to get vaccinated for the swine flu "panic" - so that rescuers wouldn't end up staying home to care for sick family members.

The truth is that without that priority of care for our families, rescue workers may gradually peel off to watch out for their own at home, and then the whole rescue operation will break down.

Therefore, in order to ensure your agency is there for the citizenry when it really hits the fan, your department actually should consider itself obligated to develop this SOP. With this plan in place, we will all sleep better at night, and not be afraid of being caught at work when the big one comes.

Stay safe out there.

No! You're Doing it Wrong!

Originally posted 7/28/2009, removed during a spate of paranoid content cleanup 5/26/2010, and now re-posted after some review and editing.

I apologize if this post offends, but it is how I feel right now. I get a little punchy after these calls.

First off, if you're going to end your life, you should realize how few will seriously have sympathy for you. They're not going to cry over your grave with a special leaning towards how wronged you were and how they wished they had done whatever differently. Or, if they do, you won't be around to know about it, so what's the point? This helps you how?

The mess you create, the pain, the baggage of closing out your story..... it is very selfish to unceremoniously dump your problems and obligations onto others by leaving them behind like that. I understand you have issues. I have had issues too. Issues I wouldn't seriously mind escaping from. But taking the final exit on purpose is seriously inconsiderate, to put it lightly, and that is the main way you will be remembered. Just so you know.

If you choose to pop a cap into your brain, it will make things much easier on your local emergency services if you do a little anatomical research first. Find out which part of the brain is important, and aim there. Aiming elsewhere usually will still do the trick, but on a much slower and more painful schedule. What could have been a tight, clean operation requiring only the intervention of law enforcement and ServiceMaster is then extended into a major operation which ties up an ambulance and its medics, a gaggle of firefighters to assist, and in some cases, even more firefighters to set up and monitor the LZ for the helicopter, not to mention the helicopter itself. All of these resources could have been better utilized to save the lives of those who want to still be alive.

Lastly, if you are ever dealt the agonizing hand of being present or arriving to find that someone else has taken the final exit, a final pointer to speed the response of help:

Our safety comes first. Until we know the scene is safe and that the person is not actively still trying to die and willing to kill anyone who attempts to prevent that attempt, we stay out and wait for law enforcement. We can act on our discretion if we get assurances from the dispatchers that the scene and the weapon are secured. It is not helpful to tell the dispatcher that someone has been shot and then hang up without providing all the details. It is not helpful to ignore the phone when the dispatcher calls back. Result: We wait up the road until our brothers in blue arrive. So, stay on the phone and answer all questions to get the fastest intervention.

A final rebuttal to myself: Actually.... doing it this way provides an excellent candidate for organ donation, leaving us a short-term viable patient so steps can be taken to save the lives of others. If that is your plan, I guess this is an example of doing it right. I sincerely and fervently hope that the person who inspired this post did not have any conditions that prevented this from happening. If it all works out, I guess we firefighters are OK with going through all that to save other lives, but the preferred alternative is to ask for and get help. Those resources are out there for the finding. It is better for all involved if you just stay with us.

Thanks.

Do You Know George?

Beeps.

Station 51, psychiatric problem, deputy on scene requesting Code 1 response.

Every time I hear this, I get a little put-out. I am a low-level EMS provider. My EMS skill set revolves around making sure air goes in and out, and blood stays in and goes round and round. Secondary to that I make sure that it is good air going in and out. From there it is downhill with things like making sure 'owies' of all types are covered and/or immobilized. That's really all EMTs do the great majority of the time.

Where in that framework is the training to deal with psych problems?

We're going to get there, perhaps stage for PD/SO if asked to wait, then see that the patient is jacked or wigged or freaked, ensure no injuries, and wait for the medics to show up and take the patient in for an eval because they really don't know what the hell is wrong, either.

It's not that I am unsympathetic. It's just that there isn't really any purpose for us to be there unless the person needs to be wrestled with, and even that falls outside of our job training. There's rarely any real EMS problem, and the exceptions are rarely serious ones. There is not much value I bring to the scene of a psych problem.

But, we go. That's why we get paid the big bucks.

Arriving first in Engine 51, I see Deputy Harrison and the patient. He's got an apparently-cooperative patient cuffed and standing bent over with his head on the hood of a truck. Harrison is holding the patient's cuffed hands in place and standing guardedly behind him.

I pull around them, and shut down the Engine to restore the peace. Harrison merely nods as I get out. I walk in a wide circle, sizing things up since Harrison isn't talking, and so that the patient is not startled by my approach. Looks not too deadly, so I walk in.

Psych Guy: Who are you!!

Grumpy: I'm Grumpy, with the fire department. We're the good guys.

Harrison (deadpan): Hey, now. What's that supposed to mean?

GD (to PG): We're all the good guys, all of us.

Harrison silently mouthed something about my parentage. I helped his Mom once, but just burned my get out of jail free card.

GD (to PG): You're one of the good guys too, man. What's your name?

PG: Aaron. It's too late. You're too late. I can't stop them now. They won't let me save them. Do you know George?

GD: I'm not sure, Aaron. Who's George and where do you know him from?

PG: Who's Aaron? We're talking about George! He was the only one, but he can't help now, either.

GD: ........

PG: Why won't they let me save them before it's too late?

GD: Maybe I can get a hold of George to see if he can do something. Do you know George's last name?

PG: ..... uhhhh (grimace) ..... his wife is...... Jane! She's a nice lady.

GD (wild-assed inspired guess): George Jetson?

Psych Guy abruptly looks up in delight like he just found a long lost kindred spirit.

PG: YOU KNOW THEM!? You can save us all if you call George right away!

Harrison has that beautiful cop poker face thing going on, no idea what he is actually thinking but certain we're putting together a good tale for the shop later.

GD: I haven't seen George in years, Aaron. But I went to school with Elroy, and I think I still have his cell number. Let's get you checked out first, and then you can tell me what's up so Elroy can tell his dad.

PG: Who's Aaron?

The conversation continued in short spurts like this for another ten or fifteen minutes until the medics arrived to take over the dialogue. I could continue, but it was just more of the same and would get boring.

Aaron(?) was found in the garage loft by the homeowner, who had never seen him before. He had taken everything off the shelves, absolutely trashing the place, and made a pile in the middle of the floor before crawling under the pile. His ID said he lived miles and miles away. There was no car or form of transportation that we could link with him. He was hopped on something, or probably multiple somethings. I never found out what it was or what happened to him.

Anyway, I've done a lot of theater, and with it a fair amount of improv. Who knew how well those skills would serve me when driving big red trucks and seeing crazy people? Can't wait to tell George and Elroy, though. Except that it would be a HIPAA violation. Bah.

The Talk

A couple of weeks ago, a local teenager was killed in a wreck. Just 16 years old, he was riding in an SUV traveling at a high rate of speed, when the teen driver failed to negotiate a curve. The vehicle rolled, and the unbelted kid was pronounced right on the scene.

Jayden’s bright red soft top Jeep was his pride and joy. As he and Brian, best friends since grade 4, met after school, the evening looked promising. Brooke and Lauren were coming with them to the mall tonight to hang out and maybe catch a movie.

After the wreck was splashed on the news, it cut close, as these things frequently do. As the father of a teenager who has just arrived at driving age, along with many of her friends, I have become acutely aware of this latest new thing to worry about.

It was a bright, sunny, clear fall day, and the four teens took down the soft top and climbed in. Money in their pockets and hours of free time beckoned them to a night of fun. They turned on the stereo and cranked it up. Seatbelts were ignored, all the better for wrapping arms around each other, you know.

I told her to think about what was going through this kid’s mind just before the wreck. Was he having fun? Was he scared? Was he unable to get out even if he had realized the danger and wanted to? Did he know that his friend would drive like an idiot, or did he think driving fast was just harmless fun?

Jayden looked over at Brooke, her blonde hair blowing in the wind, and she smiled back at him. He suddenly remembered a hilarious prank that he’d seen pulled in the locker room before lunch, and turned to tell Brian about it, but he was already locked in a passionate hormone-driven teenage kiss with Brooke in the back seat.

I asked her if she ever thought about what her friends were capable of as drivers. Did she think she could accurately judge their character behind the wheel? Would she feel brave enough to say something to the driver if stupidity was being committed? Would she feel confident enough to stay behind in the first place if they encouraged her to go and she had reason to worry?

Jayden laughed, reached back to punch Brian and call him names, and told them to get a room. Lauren looked up, and her eyes widened in horror. Someone was yelling. Brooke screamed. Jayden turned back around. The road curved right, but they were barreling straight at 60 on the 35-limit road. He yanked the wheel to the right as they crossed the center line.

She looked back at me and gave me some mild and sort of noncommittal assurances. She was listening, and probably taking me seriously, but was confident that it could never happen to her. I know that look. I used to wear it, too.

The Jeep went up on its left wheels, yet made the corner. Lauren was thrown onto Brian’s lap. Brooke managed to hang on. Screaming. Crossing back over the line, Jayden was now aimed off the embankment to the right. He made another panic yank to the wheel, to the left. The jeep momentarily fell on all tires and then went all the way up on its right tires. Lauren and Brian were both launched up and out of the Jeep.

So I asked her this. I said, last week, if I sat you and the dead kid down side by side and gave this same lecture to both of you, do you think he’d respond to my worries about like you are? Yes? But now he’s dead. Do you think if I had lectured him last week that he would have taken me seriously? What could have prevented this stupidity?

As the Jeep swerved back to the left on its right tires and crossed the line, it was tipped up to the point of no return. Janelle, mother of three, with her two littlest ones in car seats behind her, was coming the other way from the grocery store. She was adjusting the AC when a red blur caught her eye. Looking up, she didn’t even have time to scream.

So I told her, again, that when she goes anywhere with friends, she needs to carefully consider what the driver might or might not do. Was it worth risking her life just to not be embarrassed by saying no or asking the driver to behave? Who knows, maybe the dead kid had asked the driver to slow down and got ignored, making him a helpless passenger unable to save himself.

The Jeep came right up over the hood of Janelle’s sedan as it rolled over. The impact was enough to deploy Janelle’s airbag, but the Jeep’s main point of intrusion was through the windshield, shoving the roof back and downward as it rolled over the top, leaving red paint on Janelle’s hood like bloody streaks. The airbag was not able to fully protect her head from the inward and downward collapse of the roof.

So, I went on, imagine yourself in that car instead of that kid. At what point do you wish you had not gotten in, and now it is too late, your fate out of your hands?

The leading edge of the roof of Janelle’s sedan caught the Jeep and flipped it violently into the air, the centrifugal force throwing Jayden and Brooke in different directions. Brian and Lauren fell onto the pavement close together, sliding and tumbling off the right shoulder into the bushes.

She looked thoughtful. Maybe the message was getting through. It’s hard to tell, but one can always hope.

The Jeep came to rest on its top, unrecognizable as a Jeep except for the ubiquitous roll cage. Some tires were torn, its hood was in the ditch, the engine partially dislodged, and debris everywhere. Jayden and Brooke landed on different sides of the road. Janelle’s car rammed into the opposite embankment and came to rest. It became quiet.

I love my kids. And this one and I have had this talk before, but the recent death was cause to bring it up again. Never pass an opportunity to use a tangible real-life lesson, you know. It’s different when it is not an anonymous face in the newspaper from somewhere far away, or an overplayed re-enactment done at a school assembly.

I later found out that the first caller reported “kids lying all over the road” and that one of the cars was smoking. It was in the 3rd-due from Station 51, and the way it was dispatched sounded a little hairy, but the “all over the road” part was toned down to “possible ejection”. I picked up Engine 51 and came online. Engine 56 arrived first and gave the size up from hell. Declared MCI, multiple patients on the ground, three trapped requiring extrication including two car seats, request three more ambulances, launch a helicopter, close off the road in both directions, and more manpower.

So I can only hope the message sticks, and try to not go completely crazy when she’s not under my direct supervision and protection. I can’t guard her forever, and I have to trust that she will learn how to make sound decisions. She is an outstanding daughter, and though we have our moments, she is nothing like the nightmares my friends told us teenagers would be like. I’ll take three.

Beyond all reason, none of the patients in this incident were critically injured. Major road rash and a few broken bones for the kids. Minor head trauma and lacerations on the Mom. This should have killed all the teenagers and the Mom, should have left the two little ones with a distant memory of the crash that killed their Mom. But that’s not how the cards were dealt.

Hours later, I had a chance to sit my daughter down. I said, remember what we were talking about a couple of days ago? Well, guess what I just got back from? I said, what do you want to bet those kids would have rolled their eyes had I given them The Talk this morning? It was never going to happen to them, just like it won’t happen to you. I got three hugs from her today. I can’t remember the last time I got three hugs in one day.

Only broken glass on the shoulder, some discoloration from spilled fluids, and orange spray paint on the roadway marking skids, impacts and final resting points give a clue to the day’s events. We were all fairly sure that there would be multiple critical injuries, and possibly a fatality in the mix, which resulted in a full scene workup by the Sheriff's Office that kept the road closed for hours.

Not this time, though. And somewhere, the next fatality knows....won’t happen to them. Never.


 

Priceless

It's been done before, but this one was satisfying.

• Your totaled 2004 Honda Accord: $16,000
• The 2009 Corvette you totaled: $45,000
• Reckless Driving fine for rear-ending another car at high speed on a flat, straight road with no traffic lights, stop signs, or even any intersections, in broad daylight: $1,500 and 30-day suspended license
• Increase in annual insurance premiums: $600
• Marijuana for you, and the two cute girls in the back seat, on the way to school: $25
• Minor in possession of drug paraphernalia and DUI: Class "C" felony arrest
• Getting your ass chewed off by your mom while you stand there in cuffs as the girls look on: PRICELESS

Junior was bloodshot, loose and in a good mood when we arrived, and surprisingly no one was injured. It was lightly drizzling, we were only two blocks from the school, and the girls opted to wait for Junior's mom so they didn't have to walk.

They apparently had not previously met Junior's mom.

They walked.

Brilliance of copper thieves, or lack

We've been dealing with copper thieves for quite a while now. The small timers start out by stripping old abandoned houses, or raiding construction sites.

When a new level of desperation sets in, or they just feel competent enough, they start going after live stuff, or the grounds in substations. These guys pretty quickly end up like this unless they have some common sense and practical awareness of electricity, in which case they probably have some success for a while. But even the "good" live wire thieves get cocky, push their luck, and frequently end up dead in the end.

Some of the guys have figured out that, in some substations, there are large reels of brand new cable, begging for the taking. These are the smartest thieves, because they've found large quantities of wire that is not live, nor picking up potential like grounding straps. These reels are massively heavy, requiring a small crane to lift and move, so you're not going to get them onto a truck unless you bring some serious resources and a substantial flatbed. Sure enough, some guys do that, and they make off with reels of cable worth big time $$$$$.

The reel thieves cause such a big loss, in fact, that power companies now commonly install a device that is somewhat like the LoJack to catch car thieves, by placing the device inside the inner void of the reel through the side. When the crew needs to use the reel, they call the detection company and report which device is going to move, to preempt the alarm. Don't bother trying that yourself, though, there are way too many layers of protection to prevent outsiders from disabling or preventing the response. The only ones who succeed at that are on the "inside", and soon get caught anyway because we all know it's someone in the know, and it narrows the suspect list. Yeah, that actually happens.

But when the devices get activated without authorization, that's when the fun begins. The alarm company notifies us which one went off, and then we get to call the closest law enforcement agency and set them loose. On the screen, we get a live updating point on a map that we can see move, and we guide the cops in like an airstrike.

Yep, that is one of my favorite little sidebar parts of this job. When these get set off once every other month or so, and I get to hear the police dispatcher report back that a black and white has made the stop, I'm like.... YEAH. Freaking awesome. Bang baby, game over.

Anyway, I digress from the intent of this post, on the brilliance of the amateurs, or lack thereof.

A news story was being discussed here tonight, concerning an event that took place somewhere in Minnesota. I don't know what they were stealing from, but the upshot of the deal was that one of the bad guys apparently fell a good distance onto concrete and injured his back. Ouch dude, was this all worth it?

But the best part was that his two "friends" subsequently left him a jacket to keep warm, and then left him there. No 911, no first aid, just a jacket and so long sucks to be you see ya.

They eventually did call 911 after driving over an hour to get out of the county. I don't know if their motivation was guilt (perhaps they intended to just let him die and thus stay off the hook), or if they figured that the statute of limitations was also geography-based and that they were scot-free once across the county line.

But don't take my telling for granted, read it for yourself.

So, there's your latest installment of tales about people that are allowed to vote even though we shouldn't have to even share our air with them.

Days of Anger. And Sadness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lakewood_police_officer_shooting

Idiots With Stop Paddles

What happens when someone gives a stop paddle to one of the goofballs?
So I am on my way to work at the power company, still frosted about the switching error, otherwise minding my own business. I have arrived at a cloverleaf, passing underneath and getting ready to do the 270 and get on the other highway, when...

We're all stopping.

An aside: I know not many people do this, but Dad taught me to always look as far ahead as possible when driving. It's easy to spot the people who don't do that by noticing who gets surprised by being caught behind a bus at a stop that you yourself saw three blocks ago and changed lanes to avoid. They're all like "Where did this BUS come from??!" Duh.

Looking ahead during the approach, I noticed no backup on the upper highway, no backup on the ramp, so whatever is going on has just happened. I am about ten cars back and I still see nothing on the ramp. The cars stopping behind me are already blocking cars coming off the other 270 to pass under the overpass, backing them up on the curve. A collision back there feels imminent. I first assume that a wreck has just occurred, so, first checking behind me for other goofballs about to try the same stunt that I am, I then pull onto the right shoulder to approach, mentally remembering where my POV med kit is.

What do I see? A small pilot car for an oversize load convoy. He's just stopped in the middle of the lane, amber lights on, holding a stop paddle out the window. There is no oversize load truck in sight. He's watching a ramp for the truck to approach, but it is nowhere to be seen.

You have got to be kidding me, right? Daily tip: Close traffic right when you need to, but not until then. That's what radios and phones are for, to coordinate the timing. And do it in a position that doesn't cause cross-merging traffic to back up convergent paths. This is the dumbest possible place to pull the stunt he's pulling.

In some states and locales, fire and rescue folks have been arrested for closing the highway in order to protect fire and EMS crews. I know this isn't typical and don't mean to poke at my brothers in blue. I am just illustrating that even we fire guys don't have the authority to close the highway all the time, and better have a good reason when we do. And here's this goofball, sitting in his car, closing the highway in a very dangerous way and without immediate requirement, from the comfort of his front seat.

Oh, no you don't.

So I hesitate a bit to see if the big truck is going to appear. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. OK, no truck, so I continue on up to where he's at. I can feel the evil stares of people I pass, who assume I am just going to zip by everybody. But I stop behind and to the right of the idiot, and get out, ready to give him a piece of Grumpy Dispatcher mind. Remember, I am still frosted about the switching error, and that was days ago.

No sooner do I get out and take about three steps to engage the idiot, and I hear a siren blurp at me.

Hello, Highway Patrol! The cavalry has arrived. I grin widely at him and give him the thumbs up, but I am in his way. He nods. We understand each other. I move my vehicle, and he moves up to engage the idiot.

I poke my nose out behind the Crown Vic. I roll down my window for a listen. I can hear his tone, he is not happy. Idiot quickly turns off his 'I think I am in charge but I am not' amber lights and pulls to the side. All those people back there who delighted in glee that I got followed to the front by a State Trooper are awaiting my turn to get tagged by the law.

Imagine their disappointment as he disengages to open the lane, me behind him, and off we go. End of incident.

Wish I had caught the name of the company with that flagger. That really warranted a follow-up call before he gets someone killed.

Idiots with stop paddles. Who knew?

A Few Pointers From This Weekend

If you decide to get drunk, please don't drive.

See, if you'd stopped right there, a lot of issues would have been resolved pre-emptively. But, alas, it was not to be.

If you wreck your car driving drunk at 0430 on a Saturday morning and you decide to try to drive away, make sure your vehicle will still operate with enough functionality to go somewhere.

If you fail to determine that one rear wheel has been completely ripped from your car and the other rear tire is jammed into a fender, do not use what little capability your vehicle has to go farther away from the road.

If you use what little capability your vehicle has remaining to make a run for it, don't get it hung up on the only planter within 100'.

If you get your vehicle hung up on a planter and decide to run for it, don't leave your wallet on the front seat.

Or your cell phone.

If you leave your wallet, don't leave your ID, which matches the registration on the car.

Or all that money in it. Wow, dude.

If you run off and leave your wallet behind, ostensibly because you don't want to get caught as the driver, don't walk in plain sight on the main road where ambulances, fire trucks and police cars will come from.

If you are trying to get away on the main road and get spotted in the headlight beams, don't call attention to yourself by ducking conspicuously out of the way after you've been shined.

If you got shined and then ducked without success, and have now been detained by the police department, have a better story than that you were out looking for your lost dog. At 0430 in the dark. On a quiet country road MILES from where you live.

If you claim you were looking for your dog, know its name and be ready to describe it without having to give it some thought.

And be ready to come up with a plausible local address instead of blurting out your real one miles away (that miraculously matches the address of the RO of a nearby and recently wrecked car) before adding that you moved to the area recently. Uh huh.

You have much to learn, and there is scant hope for your future (or ours if we have to carry tools like you through life).

In the meantime, your right to vote and share our air ought to be rescinded along with your right to drive.

A Moment of Silence, We Will Never Forget

FDNY 343 - NYPD 23 - PAPD-37

2nd Addendum to the Fireman's Rant on Drivers

As I keep stewing about stuff, more bloggable rant material percolates to the surface.

This is the second follow-up to the original Fireman's Rant on Drivers. If you haven't read the rants yet, follow the above link and then also check out the first addendum, and then come back.

Several days ago, I was on a traffic control detail, assisting the Sheriff's Office. The absurdity of what happened has actually become so common that it didn't even register as worth bringing up here. That means that dumb people are doing this so often that it must be ranted about.

Thanks to Firecap5, who also suffered a recent similar event on the job, it clicked. If you have not already visited his blog, "Not trained, but we try hard!", do yourself a favor and add it to your list.

So here we go.

WHAT PART OF 'CLOSED' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? When my BRT is parked SIDEWAYS, blocking the ENTIRE road, and sits behind a line of EIGHT smoky traffic flares, you might want to entertain the notion that something is going on up there and that your presence - particularly if you bring your vehicle along - is not welcome.

When you see a line of cars stopped in the road, and flashing red lights and BRTs in their way, you have two intelligent choices: (1) Wait in line with them. (2) If safe to do so, turn around and go a different way.

Do not feign to be offended at my incredulous reaction to you if you instead choose the unlisted option (3): Pull into the empty lane for oncoming traffic and approach the roadblock because you're special. Do not entertain the hope that I will be sympathetic to your tantrum when you ask if the road is really closed and I look at you, the blocking BRT, the flares, the 'STOP' paddle in my hand, the line of cars managing to wait patiently, whatever activity is visible up the road in the way, and then back at you to tell you "yes, believe it or not, the road is closed". Do not be surprised if a member of the Sheriff's Office or City PD pulls you over for reckless driving after you turn around and peel out in anger after I answer your next question (well, can I go through anyway?) with uncontrolled cackling, managing a "no" between fits of laughter. Good Lord, I cannot believe you are allowed to vote! We shouldn't even be obligated to share our AIR with you!

FIRE LANES. NOT JUST FOR FIRES. It's actually a good idea to leave those open for all emergencies. If you are too ignorant to notice the sign that says NO PARKING FIRE LANE, those driving laws and standards people have gone the extra mile for you and painted the curb RED to bring to your attention that you should not park there.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, that you don't know what the fire lane is for. Remember, BRTs are heavy, large, and sometimes difficult to maneuver. When we are trying to get to a place where there might be, oh say, a fire, with, maybe people trapped or something, we'd prefer a nice and clear path into where the problem is. That's what the fire lane is for. We also use the fire lanes to get quick access to medical emergencies. So if your loved ones were trapped in the proverbial commercial fire while shopping, or suffering cardiac arrest at the restaurant, I suspect you'd be unhappy with someone slowing our response by parking in a fire lane right? And you won't do it anymore, either, right?

I'll give one pass on this, against my better judgement. IF you stay in your vehicle, and IF you do not turn off your engine, and IF you roll down your windows so you hear approaching sirens, and IF you pay full attention to your aurroundings 360° for approaching emergency vehicles not sounding sirens, and IF you are not otherwise blocking traffic, and IF you are not blocking visibility for pedestrians trying to spot traffic around you, then I am personally, just barely, conditionally OK with you briefly sitting in a fire lane. The moment you sense trouble, hear sirens, or see us or my EMS and/or law enforcement brethren, it is time to move. My brothers in blue are still quite likely to ticket you for this even if you followed all my rules, because it is still clearly illegal beyond any debate. Saying 'Grumpy said it was cool' is no defense. You know... sorry, I made it complicated. Scratch this whole paragraph. Just don't do it.

This also applies to parking in front of fire hydrants.

If your vehicle is in the way in a fire lane or other spot you should not park in our way, and the situation is dire, I may very likely push your vehicle out of the way with my BRT. If you're lucky, we might be able to work around (or through) your vehicle, but you'll have to wait until we're done. You will be responsible for the repair bill for your vehicle, the repair bill for the BRT, any and all traffic fines, and possibly be held liable for delays in delivering medical care or fire suppression/rescue.

I leave you with some examples. And yes, that sign on the upper right of the first picture reads NO PARKING FIRE LANE.



Just stay out of our way. Thanks.

Fireman's Rant Addendum

I've had some more thoughts cross my mind.

This is a follow-up to the original Fireman's Rant on Drivers. If you haven't read that yet, do so and then come back.

QUIT WITH THE CUTE FAKE ROAD SIGNS. Yeah, you've seen them. On someone's garage or at the end of their driveway. Cute, you named your driveway after your clan, and now we all get to know that your little bit of pavement is "Johnson Drive". But let's reconsider, especially in light suburban or rural areas.

Yes, one day you are pulling out of your driveway, and someone who failed to HANG UP AND DRIVE whacks you into the ditch. You are bleeding and unconscious, and the other guy's car is on top of yours and starting to burn. A passing motorist stumbles into the scene, pulls out the handy cell phone and calls 911. County 911, what are you reporting? "Hey, there's been this big wreck, a guy is trapped and there's a fire!" Where are you? (looks around....) "At the intersection of Johnson Drive and County Road 1234."

(Admit it. You KNOW there are plenty of people out there dumb enough to not know the difference between a 'real' sign and the cute one.)

Here one of two things happens:

(1) Sir, there is no 'Johnson Drive' in the County. Can you get a street address on County Road 1234? Oh, by the way, are your mailbox numbers large and legible, on the front and both sides? No? Sucks to be you. Passerby walks up the road looking for someone else's number while you get crispy and/or bleed out.

(2) We'll send help right away. Oh yeah, seven miles up the way there actually IS a real "Johnson Drive" that intersects County Road 1234. Fire and rescue, probably from more distant fire stations, responds to the wrong location, while you get crispy and/or bleed out.

Keep the cute fake road signs out of sight from the road. Thanks.

HEY BRAKE TAPPER, WANNA GET DEAD? I was already going to add this little bit when a delightfully ironic story appeared in the Ventura County Star. So you don't like being tailgated, eh? Sorry, no defense to the bonehead following you, but your smart options are (a) live with it, and (b) let them pass you. And yes, of course, there is a stupid option (c) tap your brakes to 'send them a message'. Yeah, brilliant, the message reads: I am a freaking idiot and am willing to die, maim or kill others, or at least screw up all traffic in order to prove my point.

If all goes well, your brake tap dance slows traffic down for everyone as the braking slinky works its way back up the lane. Are you so important that tailgaters will not be tolerated to the tune of causing traffic delays, unnecessary lane changes, and the increased risk of accidents brought by lane changes and speed differentials?

And what if the bonehead tailgater is doing their lipstick, changing the radio, or texting? Instead of making room behind you, you have just caused an accident that you may or may not survive. Someone farther back may freak out and swerve over the median, wiping out a minivan of innocent children and their Mom. At the very least you've got a damaged vehicle, raised insurance rates, you're late for whatever it was you were going to, and you have caused my brethren, medics and law enforcement friends to all drop what they were doing and come clean up your preventable mess.

Was it worth it?

Ask this brake tapper.

Oh wait, never mind, he's dead. Must have been pretty damn important. Enough so, in fact, that fire crews already on their way to another ostensibly legitimate emergency stumbled into this and had to stop and assist. Not only did he get dead, he also screwed up traffic for miles, scratched his bike up really bad (bummer, dude), risked others' lives, etc... and he prevented help from getting to another emergency. What a hero.

Darwin Awards were invented for guys like this. Are you a candidate, too? Just get out of the way and live another day.

UPDATE 8/30/09: A 2nd addendum has been added HERE.

A Fireman's Rant on Drivers

Uber-long post warning.
Yes, everyone who goes slower than me is an idiot, and everyone who goes faster than me is a maniac. I get it. I also am someone’s idiot and someone else’s maniac, and have made more than my share of dumb mistakes. That said, I have compiled in my mind, over the many years I have been driving fire engines, a short list of things I wish people were taught in driving school. I will share, but will probably forget more than half the things I want to say. Take what you want, leave the rest. Even if you change nothing, at least you listened.

Remember, “you only have to be stupid once to be dead permanently”. Think of that as you read through this.

ON THE FREEWAY, SLOW DOWN, MOVE OVER. When you see any emergency vehicle parked on the shoulder of the freeway or in a traffic lane, please slow down and give us some room. Yes, I know you lack the self control to keep yourself from looking at our meaningless little fender bender, but please remember that neither can anyone else. The odds of some other Looky Lou bumping into you and causing you both to crash into us, as we work to save someone else, are very great. Also, airbags and crumple zones don’t help much if you bash into the back of our BRT (that’s Big Red Truck). Not to mention, that after you have splattered into the back of our BRT, you are now the thing sticking out in traffic, and more people than ever are now craning their necks to see. Who will they crash into? Please, leave an ENTIRE open lane between you and the emergency vehicle you are passing. This also goes for tow trucks, police cars, etc.

KEEP INTERSECTIONS CLEAR. In heavy traffic, please try to avoid blocking intersections. I know that red light everyone is waiting to get through is three blocks away, and unless you pull right up to the bumper of the guy in front of you, some jerk is going to cut in, so I understand your desire to not leave room. Heck, it’s only a little residential street you’ve blocked access to, and it’s only for a moment. Meanwhile, I bet you hope no one is blocking access to the road YOU live on when your wife, child, mother is choking on a grape or trapped in a growing fire while I pull up to the corner and hang on the air horn cord and glare at that guy keeping me from your family (and those who squeezed up behind him) who all pulled up too far and now can’t get out of my way to let me through. When you block any intersection, YOU are that guy.

HOW TO PULL OVER FOR US. Let me make it simple. Pull to the right. Stop. I'll elaborate ever so slightly. As soon as safely possible, put on your right turn signal, begin to slow down, and move as far to the right as safely possible while remaining on pavement. Come to a stop and wait until we pass.

Do not assume that there is only one BRT or squad car, as we sometimes travel in groups. If you pull out immediately after the first BRT goes by, you are likely to get whacked. At intersections, we may be coming from different directions. Look everywhere and listen before venturing forth.

Do not panic-stop in your lane. If you stop, we might be able to swerve around you, but if there is nowhere else for us to go and you lock ‘em up right in front of us, you’re likely to get whacked. Remember what I wrote above, as soon as safely possible, move to the right and pull over. If that means keep going for a half block or through an intersection to get out of the way and pull over, fine.

Do not delay your pulling over, as once again for all you know we're on our way to your house or to help someone you love. Once you see we're coming is the time to start finding a safe place to pull over and wait. If we're coming at you from the front, you should still pull over, as the wiggler in front of me may lock 'em up and I might have to swerve into your lane to get around him. We're big, heavy, and in a hurry. Do not trifle with the thought of being in our way.

I promise to not drive like a maniac if you promise to not freak out at the mere sight or sound of me.

DON’T FOLLOW ME. There is an amazing number of lightbulbs who think it is a brilliant idea to follow us while we’re running to an alarm in order to beat the traffic lights. Try to remember that although you now have read this and would never panic stop in front of a BRT (right?), someone else surely will. Remember when I talked about how you’d fare if you whacked into my tailboard?

We had one lady who didn’t quite stop as we passed by in the lane on her left. As we pulled past, she sped up, and stayed just behind us on the right. Trouble was, we needed to make a right turn on one of those little roads that you are now so kind about not blocking any more. Our driver slowed to take the turn, and with the BRT it is a wide turn out of the left lane, with the turn signal on (yes, we do use them but they’re hard to notice with all that other blinking stuff), and we watched to see if she’d figure it out. She slowed down and fell back, but once again like when we passed her the first time, she failed to come to a complete stop. In the shaky little mirror hanging off the right side of the BRT, it looked to the driver like she stopped. Silly him for that assumption. He started to make the right turn, and heard screeching tires. The Captain looked back in surprise, and remarked on the look on this lady’s face as she drove up onto the sidewalk to avoid T-boning the BRT. Yes, despite her carelessness, this accident would have been our fault. PULL OVER. THEN STOP.

Again, I’ll make it simple. Just stay away from us when we’re responding. Again, that goes for ambulances, squad cars, etc.

MAKE YOUR HOUSE NUMBERS VISIBLE. Yes, this is not a driving rant, but a key critical thing that you can do to speed emergency response to your home. Can I see your house numbers clearly from the street? How about at night? Are your house numbers on a pillar or wall in front of the porch light where it can’t shine on them? Do they contrast well? Brass on brick = stealth. White on black and vice versa = obvious. Get large house numbers, at least 3” tall. Bigger is better. Reflective numbers are a godsend, as we will shine our spotlights to try to find house numbers. Are there any other lights shining towards the street that will blind me when I am looking for your house number? How about in the rain when I can’t see through my spattered windows so well? How about in the fog? Is it painted on the curb where you park cars so I can’t see it? You may have house numbers on your roadside mailbox, but are they big enough? Are the numbers on the front and both sides? Are there a bunch of mailboxes grouped together so I can't tell for sure which of the four driveways goes to your house? Consider painting your mailbox to match your house color.

Make your house number so blindingly obvious that I waste not even a second finding you on a dark moonless night in a heavy sleet, which is no doubt the conditions we’ll be in when we would otherwise waste precious minutes trying to figure out where you are. Don’t forget to turn on your porch light. It is a tremendous help if you can spare someone to flash the porch light on and off or stand on the sidewalk (not in the street!) and flag us down.

And now, since I have the podium, I shall shamelessly add some personal driving rants of my own.

WHAT PART OF “YIELD” DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? “Yield” [yeeld] (verb) - to surrender or submit. When you are merging onto the freeway or into any kind of ramp, yield does not mean just barge into the lane and make everyone scurry to afford you room. Your yield sign means it is YOUR job to either find a way to fit at the proper speed without disturbing the traffic flow, or to wait if absolutely necessary. No one likes the fool who stops for a yield sign, so if you can’t figure out the balance of yielding while not actually stopping, please turn in your driver’s license now, you have no business driving until your skills improve.

SPEAKING OF ONRAMPS AND OFFRAMPS. The freeway is a limited access highway. Limited access means reduced disruptions. So don’t disrupt. These ramps were built exactly for this reason, to minimize disruption. Think of exit and entrance ramps for freeways as airplane runways, and the freeway is the sky. You’ve got the whole onramp “runway” to get up to takeoff speed, so use it. Match speeds with traffic, then yield and merge. See, that was painless! When it is time to exit, don’t slow down – don’t even take your foot off the gas – until you’re on that offramp “runway”, that’s why they built it so long. There's plenty of time to slow down once you're on the ramp. Just like when flying an airplane, if you don’t get up to speed before takeoff, or if you slow down before landing, a crash becomes a realistic expectation.

HANG UP AND DRIVE. Study after study after study after study has shown that talking drivers are impaired comparable to drunk drivers. At least drunks can beg ignorance in their stupor, but a sober cell-phone talker has no such excuse. If you talk and drive (or worse, text and drive), you are making a conscious, sober choice to be as dangerous as a drunk driver, and my contempt for talking drivers is therefore greater than for drunk drivers. This is why so many states are making it illegal. Catch a clue: HANG IT UP! Exception: Calling 911 when it is unsafe or impossible to pull over.

SEATBELTS SAVE LIVES. If you want to take your chances and not wear them, suit yourself. Your splattered remains will wash into the gutter like every other hapless fool who made the same choice before you. Hopefully your body won’t kill any of your passengers as it gets bashed around in your vehicle and wrapped around the rear armrest, or fly into someone else’s windshield at 70MPH or under their wheels after you get tossed like a ragdoll out the passenger window, giving that other innocent driver nightmares for the rest of their life due to your careless invincibility complex. You all look the same to me in that condition anyway, so I probably won’t remember you. HOWEVER.... Children in your care are not informed enough to make their own decisions about personal safety. They do not understand the risks of not being restrained in a child seat or seat belt. They are not in control of the car nor in control of the other car about to blow through the red light and whack you because the other driver failed to HANG UP AND DRIVE. The children are truly innocent, and they depend on you to keep them safe. You are their protector and defender. Do not let them down. If I see you with unrestrained children in your car, I WILL call 911 and I WILL follow you to the ends of the Earth until my friends in blue arrive. The splattered children I NEVER forget, they will haunt me until my last breath. Their faces are fresh in my mind as I follow you and call in a police airstrike. I have no sympathy for your lame excuses, failing in this basic protection of innocent children is an unforgivable sin.

LEFT LANE = PASSING LANE. If you are in the left lane on the freeway and are not actively in the process of passing someone, get out of the way. It is a PASSING lane. In some states, even though you’re going the speed limit, you can still get a ticket for parking yourself in the left lane and blocking those nasty speeders from getting through. Yes, you read that right, driving the speed limit in the left lane can earn you a ticket. Do not get all offended and huffy if someone blinks their high beams at you for camping in the left lane, since if you got blinked, YOU are the illegal offender.

CRUISE CONTROL. USE IT. Almost everyone has cruise control now. I like it for those long trips. Something that really frosts my weasel is when I creep up on someone with my CC on and then move over briefly into the left PASSING lane to get by them. Then their NASCAR instincts kick in, holy crap they are about to get passed, and they goose the throttle a bit and pull away. OK, whatever, Chuck. So I get out of the passing lane and fall in behind them. I don’t care who wins the race, I’m just driving here. Then they drift back off the gas and make me tap the brakes and disable my CC again so I don’t rear end them. OK, pull into the passing lane again, and off they go again. Ok, Speed Racer, if you want to “win”, then floor it like you mean it, but stop screwing with me. I love the gestures I get when I finally floor it past them on the fourth attempt, then settle back into their lane on CC (at the speed I was going when I caught up to them in the first place, mind you), and then they tailgate me for a few miles or even pass me again to start the whole thing over. Man, I am just trying to get somewhere without drama. Where’s my fender mount rocket launcher when I need it?

WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING? GET YOUR FEET DOWN! I cannot find adequate words to convey to you how blazingly stupid it is for a passenger to put their feet up on the dashboard. Have you ever heard of an airbag? Did you know that they inflate at speeds in the neighborhood of 300MPH? An improvement over exploding your head like a melon against the dash, nonetheless they hurt like the dickens in a wreck, but that’s just your face hitting them at 65MPH after they have already come to full inflation and stopped expanding before your face hit it. Imagine how your legs will feel getting whacked below the knees at 300MPH, snapping both of your knees backwards, and how those legs will feel as they get rammed into your face at 200MPH a millisecond later. At least your legs slowed the airbag down to 200MPH before your kneecap was planted through your throat and into your brain stem. Do you really think you’ll have time to get them down before a collision? Oh look, we’re about to smack the tailboard of a BRT, I better get my legs down first. No one plans these things, you ignorant fool, so get your feet off the dashboard!

Pause. Deep sigh. Growl. OK, I feel better now.

This rant was way longer than intended. Feel free to add notes of appreciation, hate mail, whatever. I’m a fireman, I’ve seen and heard worse, and I don’t lose any sleep over it.

Please be safe, watch out for children, and remember, life is not a video game. Again.... you only have to be stupid once to be dead permanently.

And oh yeah, check your smoke detector when you get home. Like the airbag, you never know when you’ll need it.

UPDATE 8/18/09: There has been an addendum to this post. If you are not already offended and want a little more of this stuff, go HERE.

UPDATE 8/30/09: A 2nd addendum has been added HERE.